


Imagination My Only Limit? I'd be Dead in a Week

by Willa Shakespeare (AnonEhouse)



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, Humor, Sex Mishap, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-11
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-11 14:13:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/799627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/Willa%20Shakespeare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avon tries to spice up sex with Soolin by indulging in a little fantasy role-play. He's not the clumsiest fellow in the universe, but he's no Tarzan, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Imagination My Only Limit? I'd be Dead in a Week

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Ah, just a moment, Soolin." Avon unhooked the stress meter from the rope, and read the gauge to make certain the 120-kilo test line _really_ was 120-kilo test line. He fussily retied several of the silk leaves to the rope 'vine', rubbed rosin into his palms, and measured the amount of stretch his weight caused.

Soolin rolled her eyes, but knew there was no percentage in asking Avon to skimp on his security precautions, even if she could talk around the macintosh apple in her mouth.

"Well, now." Avon coughed and beat on his chest a few times. 'AaaaAAAAAAahhhOooowwwHHAAAHAHHHhhhhaaaaa... cough..."

Soolin sighed and relaxed as best she could in her ropes. Avon was determined to get the 'Tarzan yell' right. Ten minutes later, he gave up temporarily and got down to business.

A muffled _CRACKLE-POP-SNAP_ was followed immediately by a loud _THUMP_.

***

Vila never regretted having sharp hearing; it had saved his life too many times. He _did_ regret being the gentleman and allowing Dayna first choice of the two remaining bedrooms in Xenon base. No one was going to ask a lady gunfighter to move, Tarrant called pilot's right to get the one nearest the ship, and _naturally_ Avon had taken over Dorian's master suite. But Vila could have had Dayna's room, next to the workshop. Dayna was such a sound sleeper, she could sleep right through one of her own bombs going off.

He rolled over, put the pillow over his head and stuck his fingers in his ears. No use. He could still hear the noises from Avon's bedroom. Why, oh why, hadn't Dorian invested in a little sound-proofing? Or at least not fastened the beds to the shared wall. Vila was turning more and more to serious drink in an effort to get some sleep.

 _THUMP!_ Vila yelped and bolted upright. The _wall_ had moved. He shook his head, trying to clear the ringing sensation from his ears. He got up and picked up his pillow and blankets. Maybe he'd try for a nap on _Scorpio _. The beds were hard and narrow, but at least they were _quiet_.__

__Out in the dimly-lit hallway he passed Avon's bedroom door, giving it a dirty look. Avon had _no _consideration. He felt like breaking in and giving Avon a piece of his mind. He hesitated. Why not? Maybe a little embarrassment would be good for Avon. Besides, he could hardly run through Xenon base naked after Vila. Vila picked the lock before he finished thinking it through, using the all-purpose pick he always kept on his person. He called it 'Hilda'.___ _

____Vila opened the door, took one step in and stopped, taking in the scene: the dented wall, the rumpled, jungle-print sheets, the stuffed Tarzian warg-strangler, the 70-kilo stalk of bananas, Avon's motionless bare behind..._ _ _ _

____Half hidden beneath Avon, Soolin squirmed and glared at Vila, wriggling in what seemed to be an angry fashion. She couldn't very well say anything, as a large, red apple was clenched in her jaws. There was an asymmetrical bite mark in the outside of the apple. Hmm. Vila hadn't realized that Avon was missing a tooth._ _ _ _

____He rolled Avon off Soolin and peeled up Avon's eyelids, dusting plaster bits off his fingers after feeling the lump on Avon's head. "Captain Concussion's done it again." He untied Soolin and waited until she had spit out the apple and tugged down her leopard-skin dress and was rubbing her wrists and ankles before he looked up and said, "Tarzan's vine broke?"_ _ _ _

____"The rope _shouldn't_ have broken," Soolin said, puzzled, looking up at the severed end lying across her bed and the still secured bight attached to the ceiling hook. Dorian had hoisted _much_ heavier objects and persons than Avon by the same arrangement. _ _ _ _

______ _ _

***

A short while later, Soolin was alone in the bedroom, with nothing much else to do but ponder the question. Vila had roused Tarrant who had cheerfully carried Avon to the medical unit (they were currently between arguments and Tarrant was feeling the lack of attention) and then Vila had gone back to his own bed, yawning and smiling as he removed ear-plugs and threw them away.

Soolin picked up the rope and studied the end. It didn't look frayed. It looked more... exploded? Suspicion growing, she sniffed the fibers, trying to identify the acrid scent that clung to the rope.

"Yes, I did it."

Soolin turned. Dayna was standing in the doorway, proud and fierce as ever, but with a hint of uncertainty in her eyes. Soolin looked at the rope and then at Dayna, but said nothing. After a long moment, Dayna looked down at her feet and wriggled uncomfortably.

"I rigged a remote-activated detonator fuse-wire." Dayna looked up and held out a control box. "See?"

Soolin's brows drew together in puzzlement. "If you wanted to kill Avon, there are much surer ways," she commented at last. 

"Why would I want to kill Avon?" Dayna asked, puzzled. "He's _beautiful_. But he's not..."

"What?"

"Well, he's not _blonde_. I've always liked blondes." Dayna grinned at Soolin.

"There are easier ways to get my attention, too," Soolin said dryly, but she considered the lithe young body before her with new appreciation, now that it seemed within her grasp.

"Easier, yes, but there's no pleasure without danger." Dayna grinned. "The thought of having both Avon and you angry at me at once... well, it was just too good a chance to miss." Dayna moved forward, letting the front of her robe fall open to reveal freshly oiled, silk-smooth skin. "I'd like to apologize."

"And what's your idea of a proper apology?" Soolin said, amused, and reached forward to caress the back of Dayna's neck.

"How about a wrestling match? Two falls out of three?"

***

"Oh, no," Vila whimpered, as Armageddon broke out in Avon's bedroom, accompanied by gunshots and squibs.


End file.
